well, this story is about a normal girl [me, sort of] and a guy who came up and changed my life i started to like him, then love him and finally fall in love with him. but there was only a one damn problem: the guy already have a girlfriend and in this case she's my friend well, that's too fucking bad.. it's bad that he's already have a girlfriend and it's too bad that he is my best friend [and i don't wanna lose him] so i feel pretty bad cause i have a feelings that i'm hiding deep inside from my best friend that as a matter of fact i should share my secrets with but not when it's about him. and i just can tell my secrets to anyone, anybody or no one! cause i'm sure no one will understand. they will just run to tell him and if he really-really needs to heard that, i prefer he'll heard that from me well, in this way i guess he will never know.. and yesterday we met with two other friends of us, and we played a stupid game call : Truth Or Must and i was so close to get a hug or kiss from him, but i didn't [ B-A-D] and when we came back home we were all alone (it was 2:30 am), i thought to myself: " I AM SO WANNA KISS HIM "! and wondered what is he thinking about and hoped he thinking about kissing me. well, it was too quite and i felt like i had to say something, anything!! and then i said.. oh, i forgot what i said. *embarrassed* anyway, i wanted to hug him and don't EVER let him go, but i knew it's not fucking possible. oh, if only he knew what i'm feeling about him. well, i'm kind of confused right now cause on the one hand i don't think i need to tell him about that, cause i don't thing he will get me right, and if he will, i thing he will never ever talk to me again and that's not what i want !! but on the other hand i know that if i'll tell him i'll feel much better and relief. so i don't really know what to do right now. and to be honest, i prefer to suffer and not look like a dumb/stupid in front of him. oh god, i think i'm gonna cry. you know, when me and him two suffering, missing or sad, we cut ourselves. and now i'm sad but i'll try not to cut cause i promised him i won't... oh, that's so fucking hard !! well, everyone is sleeping now ( bro and mom), so i've got the chance to cut now!but.. NO!, i promised something to my beloved and i should make it. I WON'T CUT ! oh, this guy is driving me natz, i mean, i'm crazy and crashed about him and he don't even pay attention!! i mean, how could someone be so blind ?! especially him !!oh god, i have a MIX FEELINGS - crazy, angry and sad. am i natz or what ?! Just Kidding! ha ha ha!! (well, at least i'm making fun of my self, and not him making fun of me!) god, i can't even describe how i feeling about him, i'm feeling something i've never felt before that's weird and also true. i mean, it's not a dream or a fantasy, this is the truth!, this is the reality. and this guy is really exist. there's some people who might say that i'm only a child, and i've got so much to learn, and this is only a childhood love BUT NO !, this is the real thing. i really feeling it!, it's something i've never felt and i don't even thing that i will. i mean, this guy is everything to me. honestly!i'm the most serious about it now (!), well, today we're going to the sea or just for a walk. so see-ya, and i'll write what happened after it will :D
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