.."Romeo Take Me Somewhere We Can Be ALONE"..

today, was unsepicial day like everyday in my boring life
woke up, watch TV, computer, watch TV and then here,
write about my life.
so in a middle of a boring TV program the guy i'm in love with
called me and asked me out and i said no. well, you probably think
'oh, what a dumb girl if she likes him why she said no'?
well, i would think the same way if i heard about this kind of thing
but he ask me out with few girl friends of him and i don't wanna be
with him around his GIRL friend, i mean if they were a boys i'd surley say okay,
but you know, they are girls!!
i don't know what is he thinking, he might think about some other girl
swhen he will be with me, or they might think of him!
or he might leave me alone and go with them, and the party is in the beach, at night,
and i don't know any of them, so you know i'm thinking about EVERYTHING
before i'm saying 'yes' to someone.
oh, and he asked me if i'm sure that i don't wanna go and i said i'm sure.
but, i do wanna go !! , i wanna spend time with him! i wanna be with him i really do.
but - ALONE!!
why can't he just understand that ?!
well, i can't blame him, it's not his fault that i'm in love with him,
and believe me, i'm not the only one , i'm sure about that!
and you know, today a thought been running in my head,
it was about forget him, you know i can just pretend like nothing's happened
and continue our friendship, i mean he never knew i'm in love with him,
it's not like we two should forget each other, it's just me
i'll try to forget him!
but you know, it was only a thought, it's not like i'm really going to forget him, right?

*and just for let you know: i'm kind of a learning Spanish :)*
OK, that's all for today..

oh, and you should listen to:

Whispers In The Dark - Skillet
that's an awsome song :)

Is My Beloved In Love ?

some people who really knows me can tell you that if i have something to say- i'll say it.
so yesterday i was with my beloved in an elevator and i was so fucking close to tell him that his my beloved and i'm in love with him .. but then i didn't.
oh, and yesterday was kind of a suck day cause we went to meet our friends
and then we saw two girls and one of them is crush on him ( and by the way he told her on the ICQ that he'll be there) and she started to talk to him and he didn't answer but not because he didn't want to, it was because he is a shy.
and i just like a fucking stupid girl made him talk to her!
i told him 'go talk to her' and things like that untill he got convinced and talked to her.
( and by the way he still have his shitty girlfriend )
and couple of hours before i figured out he likes someone and when i heared that i almost had a heart attack!
he said that he likes her but only as a friend. and the day before he told me that she's cute and the he send me a picture of her and OMG she is so fucking ugly!
okay but it's not the subject i wanted to talk about.
hen he said he likes her but only as a friend i didn't relax cause if it's more then 'only as a frined'?!
i mean , sure he won't say that he actually have feelings for her, right?
not as long as he have a girlfriend!
well, you know this subject make me feel bad..
so i guess i'm done here :)

bye, and have a nice day.

So Close But Still So Far To Tell part 2

So, we didn't went to the sea cause i didn't wanted to :

but we did went to meet our friends and they weren't there,

they went to our neighborhood to look for us.

actually that was really funny..

and really good cause we were alone for few minuts

but then he offered to call our friend and then we did call him.

and he came, and then we weren't alone [ :( ]

anyway, this day was GREAT!, and i mean - great!

we both talked and we drawed near,

even sometimes he got changed and act weird

i liked it. i liked it when we were close.

i mean i'm thanking god for making me don't want to go to sea :)

ha ha ha.. that's sounds weird : /

well, i think that's it for today

i'll see ya tomorrow ..

Have A Nice Day !

So Close But Still So Far To Tell part 1

well, this story is about a normal girl [me, sort of] and a guy who came up and changed my life i started to like him, then love him and finally fall in love with him. but there was only a one damn problem: the guy already have a girlfriend and in this case she's my friend well, that's too fucking bad.. it's bad that he's already have a girlfriend and it's too bad that he is my best friend [and i don't wanna lose him] so i feel pretty bad cause i have a feelings that i'm hiding deep inside from my best friend that as a matter of fact i should share my secrets with but not when it's about him. and i just can tell my secrets to anyone, anybody or no one! cause i'm sure no one will understand. they will just run to tell him and if he really-really needs to heard that, i prefer he'll heard that from me well, in this way i guess he will never know.. and yesterday we met with two other friends of us, and we played a stupid game call : Truth Or Must and i was so close to get a hug or kiss from him, but i didn't [ B-A-D] and when we came back home we were all alone (it was 2:30 am), i thought to myself: " I AM SO WANNA KISS HIM "! and wondered what is he thinking about and hoped he thinking about kissing me. well, it was too quite and i felt like i had to say something, anything!! and then i said.. oh, i forgot what i said. *embarrassed* anyway, i wanted to hug him and don't EVER let him go, but i knew it's not fucking possible. oh, if only he knew what i'm feeling about him. well, i'm kind of confused right now cause on the one hand i don't think i need to tell him about that, cause i don't thing he will get me right, and if he will, i thing he will never ever talk to me again and that's not what i want !! but on the other hand i know that if i'll tell him i'll feel much better and relief. so i don't really know what to do right now. and to be honest, i prefer to suffer and not look like a dumb/stupid in front of him. oh god, i think i'm gonna cry. you know, when me and him two suffering, missing or sad, we cut ourselves. and now i'm sad but i'll try not to cut cause i promised him i won't... oh, that's so fucking hard !! well, everyone is sleeping now ( bro and mom), so i've got the chance to cut now!but.. NO!, i promised something to my beloved and i should make it. I WON'T CUT ! oh, this guy is driving me natz, i mean, i'm crazy and crashed about him and he don't even pay attention!! i mean, how could someone be so blind ?! especially him !!oh god, i have a MIX FEELINGS - crazy, angry and sad. am i natz or what ?! Just Kidding! ha ha ha!! (well, at least i'm making fun of my self, and not him making fun of me!) god, i can't even describe how i feeling about him, i'm feeling something i've never felt before that's weird and also true. i mean, it's not a dream or a fantasy, this is the truth!, this is the reality. and this guy is really exist. there's some people who might say that i'm only a child, and i've got so much to learn, and this is only a childhood love BUT NO !, this is the real thing. i really feeling it!, it's something i've never felt and i don't even thing that i will. i mean, this guy is everything to me. honestly!i'm the most serious about it now (!), well, today we're going to the sea or just for a walk. so see-ya, and i'll write what happened after it will :D